Research shows that people cannot reach their full potential unless they are in healthy connection with others. Amy Banks teaches us how to rewire our brains for healthier relationships and happier, more fulfilling lives. We all experience moments when we feel isolated and alone. A Purdue University study found that twenty-five percent of Americans cannot name a single person they feel close to.
Yet every single one of us is hardwired for close relationships. The key to more satisfying. In The 5 Love Languages, you will discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide.
Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman s proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner starting today. For Couples colourful, expressive drawings and short narrative guide us through the immenseness of what she has felt, Getting, experienced — 9 elemental beings come and reside with the for a while throughout her journey, walking with her until a new level of conciousness has enveloped her, each one almost Love You facet of Barbara herself.
This is a good one. So much that it seems Want: completely bury the story. It is written in an easy, but for Couples the same time, exciting style. Richard Minear has done a great job editing and translating. I am so happy to find out there will be another book to continue on in the lives of these ladies.
Too much identification. Children delight in selecting from more than 60 static stickers of our Universe, The Spirit of God, the Light, clouds trees, plants, Adam, Eve, animals and much more. Third: I do respect the authors' attempts to move beyond the "self-actualization" paradigm.
I think that in the coming decades American culture will continue to critique and move past the ideology of hyper-individualism reigning especially from the late ss. I am not a communitarian or a libertarian - I think that neither pure individualism or pure communitarianism is the answer.
That this book made an effort to do so is commendable, but there is much farther yet to go. Again, I think this book is speaking primarily to Baby Boomers, and I wonder how different Gen Xers and millennials are with respect to marriage. These criticisms aside, and putting to one side also the "pop psychology" tone of the book, I was on the whole satisfied that whatever the merits and demerits of the authors' ideas and examples, this book contains little that is really dangerous.
The advice is generally good and is not by itself likely to cause problems, if read carefully and critically. View all 6 comments. Jan 12, Summer rated it it was amazing Shelves: personal-growth , love. I heard of this book when Oprah was interviewing Alanis Morissette. They both read it and praised it and Oprah said that Stedman and she wouldn't be together anymore if she hadn't read this book. That made me interested in reading this book.
I don't like to read self help books, because these books require a lot of digging and bringing out everything that is painful and they are not just some easy breezy reading, but you have to do some work. This book makes you open your eyes a little bit more I heard of this book when Oprah was interviewing Alanis Morissette. This book makes you open your eyes a little bit more and you see things differently.
You do kind of get the feeling, that every relationship will go sour sooner or later, but you mustn't run away but you have to work on your relationship. Well, his work is based on relationships that didn't work so.. I don't know, maybe he should examine the ones that do work. I think that would be a lot more thorough and realistic. I like psychology, I like to read about these topics and I think it's important that every person is in touch with it.
I am obviously no expert and I have no clue about it, so I can't really judge if this book is right or wrong. View all 9 comments. Jun 15, Kelly rated it liked it. This book makes sense, but is also really frustrating. The main point, that couples fight because of unfulfilled childhood issues, makes sense to a point as do his solutions. I really like some of the exercise ideas, even though I have a sneaking suspicion I am too lazy to do them with my spouse, but I think they will work in diffusing student complaints.
What's frustrating? All too often, examples suggest women are overly talkative and emotional This book makes sense, but is also really frustrating. All too often, examples suggest women are overly talkative and emotional, and quick to anger, but not in touch with their sexual desires. This is nonsense. I really don't know that many women who fit the stereotype of women as all emotional, wearing their hearts on their sleeves and sexually repressed. On the other hand, a lot of my male companions fit that bill.
It's time for the editor and writers to interrogate their examples and flip the gendering around to make this book more for REAL people. I have to admit - frustrations aside - this book, along with all the leadership crap I'm reading - has made me think more about how and what I communicate, and what is realistic in terms of expectations of others.
View 1 comment. Dec 09, Scott rated it really liked it. I just gave four stars to a freaking self-help book. That says everything. Really, though, this book's relevance surprised me, cynic that I am about this kind of book. Harville Hendrix is heavy on the nuance and light on the cheese, and his descriptions of "fusers" and "isolaters" are incredibly useful.
I determined I'm switchy with a lean towards "fuser". And the exersizes are pretty cool, too. I tend to be ambivalent when it comes to the self-help genre.
And yet, there are a few self-help books which speak to me and offer language for speaking to my clients. Overall, this was one of them. Interestingly enough, I heard a speech at my synago I tend to be ambivalent when it comes to the self-help genre. Interestingly enough, I heard a speech at my synagogue over the weekend commenting that self-help books offer no new advice and are useless unless the reader commits himself to accepting responsibility for his choices.
In fact this book's advice is arguably not new -- its points rest on the age-old premise that the only way to change your marriage is to stop trying to change your spouse and to work instead on your own issues. At the same time, the book offers some interesting insights in a highly readable tone, and even better, details several practical exercises to be done with or without your spouse, independent of a therapist, which can enhance your marriage.
You need a bit of a tolerance for psychspeak dialogue, but the exercises were interesting and many sounded like they could be helpful. I found myself thinking back on several of the couples I've worked with and wishing I could have shared some of the information in this book with them.
I think this is a useful book for both therapists and laypeople interested in working on relationships. Feb 28, Keri rated it really liked it. I remember years ago, when my marriage was heading south, picking up this book and halfheartedly trying the exercises- knowing my ex would not want to have any part of it. I still wish I'd read it at that point or after- my marriage would have likely still failed, but I may have been better prepared for the love that came after.
While I think that simply reducing relationships and areas for conflict to unresolved childhood wounds is a bit simplistic on its own, a lot of this made sense- at least I remember years ago, when my marriage was heading south, picking up this book and halfheartedly trying the exercises- knowing my ex would not want to have any part of it.
While I think that simply reducing relationships and areas for conflict to unresolved childhood wounds is a bit simplistic on its own, a lot of this made sense- at least for mass relationship counseling through paperback.
I wish I had had the vocabulary earlier to articulate that sometimes I don't need to be right in fact, often I know what I'm saying or interpreting is absolutely ridiculous! And I need the validation from the kind of person who does not know how or does not want to give it to me. It's really key for me- and it comes from parents who loved me and I always knew it intellectually, but didn't often feel it but invalidated my feelings from a pretty early age too.
It's funny that when in instances where I get that validation early on, I am currently discovering I need it less than I thought I did.
I've noticed this in my professional life, but never connected the dots before. I tend to choose people who are more passive about their lives- and I want to activate them, but at the same time I value that they can just be calm and live in the moment more than I can.
At the very least, I got some insight from reading this - and hopefully some stronger tools for being able to communicate in a way that allows me to ask for more active participation in a relationship and to be understood and empathized with while realizing that I have a tendency to be intense and overwhelming with the people I care about.
I think there's a companion book for singles, and may check that out! I have to admit that I did not finish reading this book. This is rare for me -- usually I will doggedly slog through whatever book I choose to pick up, no matter how bad it turns out to be. So please understand what a thorough aversion I must have had to abandon this book after only ten days and a few chapters. I gave it my best effort, really I did.
But the love-seeking process described in this book struck me as so inherently selfish and self-serving as to leave me completely disinterested and I have to admit that I did not finish reading this book. But the love-seeking process described in this book struck me as so inherently selfish and self-serving as to leave me completely disinterested and even a bit turned off. The love process is not about one versus another, but about two people coming together.
In its attempt to provide evidence of a clinical process, this book strips the love scenario of any sense of togetherness and instead, unintentionally it would seem , creates an adversarial scenario. I'm also not a huge fan of regressive psychology. Sure, our childhoods have colored who we have become as adults, but I think that focusing too heavily on the past stands in the way of focusing on steps necessary for the future. Reading this book, I continually found myself frustrated by this limited perspective, and searching for more practical applications to the struggles I'm facing today and don't fully understand, rather than the childhood experiences with which I'm already familiar.
So, I'm biased against this book on several counts: 1 it focuses heavily on childhood relationships as the key to adult relationships, which I find a very limited approach; 2 it displays a sort of selfishness that I find distasteful; 3 it represents the sort of pop psychology of which I'm none too fond anyway; and 4 I didn't even finish reading it. I know many people have loved this book and have found it extremely helpful, but clearly it's not for everyone. Jul 18, Mehrsa rated it liked it.
I'm not buying this one. It seems sort of fake--I mean at one point, she suggests that you get groucho marx glasses and make eachother laugh in bed. I mean, if you have to use fake glasses and nose to make eachother laugh, is that not a sign? I also don't buy the everything goes back to your childhood theory of marital conflict.
I would start with Gottman or Esther Parel. This book contains some good relationship advice and useful exercises. The author is a couples therapist with over 20 years of experience, whose wife is also a therapist. I found the book too heavy on psychoanalysis; it keeps talking about the wounded child in each of us, and how we select our partners because we subconsciously seek our parents or other childhood caretakers. It starts slow and is much longer than I think is necessary; several anecdotes could be removed.
I almost gave up several This book contains some good relationship advice and useful exercises. I almost gave up several times before it started getting interesting halfway through around chapter 7. The author was formerly a Baptist pastor. He advocates for lifelong committed relationships. Build atmosphere of safety and trust. Close your exits, renew your commitment, and deliberately please each other.
Communicate openly and effectively. Accept the negative and positive in yourself. After learning about your partner, become their healer.
Focus on their needs rather than yours. The emotions will move from unconsciousness to consciousness. You will experience unity and wholeness. Start by telling each other what acts you would appreciate. Imago Dialogue 1. Mirror: paraphrase what your partner said, with same emotion. Validate: confirm that their thought process makes sense from their perspective.
You don't have to agree with them. Empathize: confirm that you understand their emotions. Connection is the main requirements for a healthy relationship. Safety is required to form a connection. Your old brain believed that it had finally found the ideal candidate to make up for the psychological and emotional damage you experienced in childhood. The negative traits usually outweigh the positive. People can be isolators or fusers, and they often marry each other. Isolator: someone who unconsciously pushes others away, keeps people at a distance, need a lot of space, and wants freedom in a relationship.
Fuser: person who need closeness, wants to do things together all the time, craves physical affection and reassurance, and often needs to stay in constant verbal contact. When we criticize our partner, we may be revealing an unmet need, or revealing one of our own deficiencies.
Eliminate negativity from your relationship, whether overt or subtle shame, blame, sarcasm, etc. When you say something negative to your partner, apologize, then praise them by pointing out three positive things you appreciate about them.
View 2 comments. Sep 06, Ronda rated it it was amazing. This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. It sat on my "to read" shelf for years until a Marriage and Family professor mentioned again in his talk at Sunstone. It has a clear and powerful premise. Our childhood and relationship with our parents subconsciously influences who we are attracted to and marry.
We have the feeling this person will make us whole. After the romantic phase wears off and most couple slip into the power struggle phase where it is painfully clear that this person is not making us as whole as we would like to be.
The author is a psychologist who has worked with couples for many decades. The method he has developed it to help couples identify what it is that they crave most in their lives.
He spends most of the book leading you to his conclusion that I found very powerful. It is that what will become most whole when we are able to learn what are partner needs and provide it for them. He suggests that we may have subconsciously picked a partner that can best help us change to become a more complete person. That this process of transformation that we undergo to meet our partners needs will make us whole. This was a unique and powerful concept that I had never considered before.
There are also a number of exercises in the back of the book to help married couples through this process. To me these were less important than the message and the thought process and self recognition that the book led me through. View all 3 comments. The Gift of a Lifetime. This book is the ideal guide for those contemplating marriage; those newly married; or those renewing their vows.
Through counseling advice, and the acronyms "F. Making Psychotherapy Count from the Start The average client today only comes to therapy five to eight times, and many only come once, so it is increasingly imp. Death of a Salesman.
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